Situationship Rules: How to Navigate Modern Dating Boundaries

Many people today find themselves in a romantic or sexual connection that lacks clear labels or commitment. This "grey area" is commonly known as a situationship. While these undefined romantic relationships offer flexibility, they can also bring confusion and emotional uncertainty. 

Understanding and establishing situationship rules is crucial for navigating these modern dating norms with greater clarity and care, fostering a healthy experience for all involved. 

This article explores what a situationship entails, why informal rules are important, and how to create a dynamic that prioritizes mutual well-being.

What are the essential rules for a healthy situationship?

Situationship rules are unspoken or agreed-upon guidelines that define expectations and boundaries within an undefined romantic or sexual connection. A healthy situationship requires radical honesty and consistent communication about feelings, intentions, and boundaries. 

Partners must clarify expectations for exclusivity and future plans, explicitly discussing which "normal relationship" behaviors apply. Crucially, always treat each other with care and respect, prioritizing mutual well-being regardless of commitment level.

Why Rules Matter in a Situationship

Situationships, by their very nature, lack clear boundaries or labels, making it difficult for individuals to know where they stand. The ambiguity of these label-free connections can take a significant toll on mental health, as our brains prefer clarity and find this "gray area" hard to process, potentially creating anxiety. 

It’s hard to override powerful hormones like oxytocin, released during intimacy, with the logic that you’re not attached to someone. This stress is particularly true if one person begins to develop expectations that the other has not committed to meeting.

Without clear dating boundaries and expectations, emotional investment can become one-sided, especially if one person hopes for more commitment. This can lead to a person connecting their sense of self-worth with gaining the other person's approval and devaluing themselves. 

Therefore, establishing transparent, even if informal, casual relationship rules helps to manage emotions, prevent misunderstandings, and ensure that both individuals are on the same page, minimizing the risk of a toxic situationship. 

Key Rules for Healthy Situationships

1. Know What You Want and Be Honest

The foundation of any healthy non-committal relationship is self-awareness. It is critical to be radically honest with yourself about your true desires, whether you seek a casual connection or a committed partnership. Exploring why you might gravitate towards situationships, such as fears of commitment or feelings of unworthiness, can also be beneficial, possibly in a therapeutic setting.

2. Communicate Clearly and Consistently

Open and direct communication is the cornerstone of any healthy situationship, ensuring mutual understanding. Don't expect your partner to guess your intentions; instead, voice your needs, boundaries, and expectations from the outset. This includes discussing exclusivity, future plans, contact frequency, or meeting friends and family. Continuous check-ins can also prevent misunderstandings and ensure both parties remain aligned as the relationship evolves. 

3. Clarify Exclusivity and Expectations

In a situationship, it is not exclusive until you have explicitly discussed it. Assuming exclusivity without a clear conversation can lead to hurt feelings. Furthermore, "normal relationship" expectations do not automatically apply unless discussed. For example, showing up unannounced or having expectations of constant availability might be acceptable in a committed relationship but not necessarily in an undefined connection. 

4. Treat Each Other with Care and Respect

Even without formal commitment, mutual care, affection, and respect are essential. Situationships are still relationships, and should be treated with care. Being kind and upfront invites generosity and creates more positive moments, regardless of whether the connection is long-term.

Signs the Rules Aren’t Working

If your situationship is causing consistent unhappiness, it may not be serving you. Here are signs that your informal rules, or lack thereof, are leading to an unhealthy dynamic:

• One-Sidedness: You have different expectations for the relationship, or there's an unequal power dynamic. This can involve "breadcrumbing," where one person gives just enough to string the other along without commitment.

• Feeling Undervalued or Used: You feel like you're only a last resort or being used for sex, and there’s little consideration for your emotions. This can be particularly damaging to self-worth.

• Lack of Integration or Secrecy: The connection exists in a vacuum; you haven't met each other's friends or family, or the relationship feels hidden.

• No Growth or Future Talk: The relationship remains ambiguous, with no discussion of future plans or progression. This absence signals that the other person may not anticipate anything more significant.

• Fear of Communication: You feel anxious or uncomfortable expressing your true needs, walking on eggshells around the other person.

When to Consider Moving On or Seeking Professional Help

When a situationship is no longer meeting your needs or consistently causes distress, it's time to consider ending it. It is valid to grieve the end of a situationship, just as you would a more formal relationship, including what was and what never was. Reflecting on what you learned from the experience and reframing it as a learning experience, not a mistake, can aid in moving on.

If situationships are becoming a recurring pattern, especially if they don't align with your long-term relationship goals, it might be beneficial to seek professional help. Professional support can help you understand your relationship patterns, build healthier attachments, and ultimately find connections that make you happy.

Build Healthier Connections through Relationship Counselling at Soul Space

Situationship rules are essential for protecting your emotional health. Without clarity, these grey areas often fuel anxiety, one-sidedness, and self-doubt. Setting boundaries is important, but many people also benefit from deeper guidance to break recurring patterns and build healthier attachments.

That is where Soul Space can help. Soul Space is Malaysia’s leading affordable mental health centre, trusted for its LKM-licensed counsellors and psychologists. We provide sessions starting at RM60, with subsidies for students and the B40 community, in a safe, inclusive, and multilingual space that welcomes everyone, including LGBTQIA+ clients.

Take the first step toward healthier relationships today with Soul Space — Malaysia’s trusted centre for professional, compassionate mental health support.

Sources

• Verywell Mind – Situationship: How to Cope When Commitment is Unclear 

• PsyPost – New psychology research reveals why people stay in situationships

• Cleveland Clinic – Situationships: What They Are and 5 Signs You’re in One

• mindbodygreen – 18 Signs You're In A "Situationship" + What That Really Means

• Psychology Today – What Is a ‘Situationship’? Here Are the Pros and Cons 

• Feeld – What does it mean to be in a situationship? 

• Psychology Today Australia – Why Modern Advice Leads to Situationships—Not Long-Term Love

• BBC – ‘Situationships’: Why Gen Z are embracing the grey area